I must say; it's going to be hard to quit smoking weed for a while.

Lately, whenever I smoke, my eyes roll into my head & I faint.

Don't worry; I have a doctor's appointment next Tuesday.

But I'm scared, what if there's something wrong with me??

What if it's fatal?

Anyways, I'm stuck at home by myself.

Jesse is up at the mountain working; I neeeed a new job; ASAP.

I have about $20 to my name right now, how sad is that?

I rarely ever have money lately.

Earlier today I was thinking; I DON"T WANT TO GROW UP.

But i need to right?

I take a puff of you

and I'm higher than ever

Give me a drink

wash through me

make my lips quiver

my knees shake

my heart melt

my eyes blurry

let me see in all colors

let me go

wherever i want to go

all my time

in the clouds

let my bones make sounds

MUTE sounds

walk with me

everywhere

hold my hand, hard

let me smoke

higher & fuckin' higher.

This is my first time on mindsay in about 2/3 years.

It's nostalgic for me; actually.

Geez Doctor; I seem to have a lot on my mind.

I've been dating Jesse for a little over a year now; is this how my relationship is supposed to be?

We're best friends & we're together all the time; I just feel that we're not very close.

Maybe I want freedom, we've been living together & been inseperable for a year.

I want my own space, my time to do whatever the fuck I want to do.

I don't want to worry about making Jesse happy: DAMNIT i want to make ME happy!!

Is that selfish of me to want??

I keep imagining my life as a single girl.

I'd work out more, I'd fucking taking yoga lessons.

I'd be able to hang out with who I want, when I want.

I'd be able to just chill out and be a normal 18 year old girl.

Well, I'm almost 19 but WHO'S counting?

I'd get an awesome job, buy a new car.

Why do I have to be single to accomplish these things??

I want my cake and I want to eat it too!